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Could it be insecurity?
While I am waiting in torment for my pictures (Just from Cybershot) itself to be load, I shall try talking about something else.
I dont know if it has been the same for you.Apparently the Mich that you & I know and the Mich that is with Jason is so different.
I am almost 'handicap' to say when I am with him. Totally reliant,dependent,physically and mentally klutzy and almost or really just like a 5 year old girl with him.
I talk like one, I behave like one and I think, I think like one.
Queer,isnt it?I find it hard to understand myself.
When I am without him, I function like the usual me. Sometimes can't be bothered with the world yet sometimes so in touch.
I tried to analyse my psychology. Perhaps the one with Jason is how I always wanna be but I lost the chance to. When I found someone that I can finally relied on,I slipped back to the inner self.
So this isn't about what's going on with my mental being.Not trying to bore you with who I am.
Lately I feel a lil' insecure. A 3.5 days trip to Thailand and suddenly Jason seems so far from me.
Tell me that it could lack of TLC but suddenly, I feel he is already stepping to a next phase.
His life,fuller than ever. Other than his new football team and with even more activities, he is also starting to earn every single bit of cent that he could, just to get ready for the workforce.
I mean...I should be proud and supportive of that.I am.I am trying to be.
But I also dunno why..one part of me feels the pinch. I dunno what I am scare of or maybe I just dont wanna explain that.
Getting through each phase is hard or maybe only the beginning is.
I start wondering why do I behave like a kid when I am with him? Do I wanna get his attention? One part of me is too scare that he would soon get sick of that...one day.
I dont wanna be lonely.And when I am so, I can still live on and let the world think I am fucking ok. It is just that struggle that's excruciating.
Sometimes I wish happiness can be a state we can solidify and let it remains.
I guess it's time to wake up.
I dont know if it has been the same for you.Apparently the Mich that you & I know and the Mich that is with Jason is so different.
I am almost 'handicap' to say when I am with him. Totally reliant,dependent,physically and mentally klutzy and almost or really just like a 5 year old girl with him.
I talk like one, I behave like one and I think, I think like one.
Queer,isnt it?I find it hard to understand myself.
When I am without him, I function like the usual me. Sometimes can't be bothered with the world yet sometimes so in touch.
I tried to analyse my psychology. Perhaps the one with Jason is how I always wanna be but I lost the chance to. When I found someone that I can finally relied on,I slipped back to the inner self.
So this isn't about what's going on with my mental being.Not trying to bore you with who I am.
Lately I feel a lil' insecure. A 3.5 days trip to Thailand and suddenly Jason seems so far from me.
Tell me that it could lack of TLC but suddenly, I feel he is already stepping to a next phase.
His life,fuller than ever. Other than his new football team and with even more activities, he is also starting to earn every single bit of cent that he could, just to get ready for the workforce.
I mean...I should be proud and supportive of that.I am.I am trying to be.
But I also dunno why..one part of me feels the pinch. I dunno what I am scare of or maybe I just dont wanna explain that.
Getting through each phase is hard or maybe only the beginning is.
I start wondering why do I behave like a kid when I am with him? Do I wanna get his attention? One part of me is too scare that he would soon get sick of that...one day.
I dont wanna be lonely.And when I am so, I can still live on and let the world think I am fucking ok. It is just that struggle that's excruciating.
Sometimes I wish happiness can be a state we can solidify and let it remains.
I guess it's time to wake up.
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